Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
