There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
