i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
