Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i now understand why vodka
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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