I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
