When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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