That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
