best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
