I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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