For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
