But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
