I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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