I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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