I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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