walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
