'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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