this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
