I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
