Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
