I'm so fucking centered right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
