drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
