Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
