just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
