Who did Billy Mays play for?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
