Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
