i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
