So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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