You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
