it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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