Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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