we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
