she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
