I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
