Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
