At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As shirtless as possible
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
