Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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