I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
