first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
