When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
