life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
