I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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