I'm jealous of your bromance
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
