it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
