He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
