Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
