Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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