I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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