So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
