i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize