do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
