Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
