i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
