If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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