tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
