my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
