Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
