so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
