Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
