I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
