So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
