I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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