We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
