Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize