im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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