It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
