you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize