Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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