I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
