u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
